All right everyone. I'm just going to be straight forward here. I'm putting commissions on HOLD. Because i feel like i should be improving more. And being able to do more for commissions instead of the same old basic stuff. Yes, i know that i do this so much. Going away and not updating for a long time. But, this time it is much needed and i hope you guys can understand that. But, in all seriousness, I really want to IMPROVE because right now i am at that age where i should have a job and be making money. And i consider this my job.
I'm not going to college anymore. Nor do i plan to in the future.
I stopped going last semester because i was at that point where i couldn't focus on my art and i was studying something i didn't want to do. I was that student who was quiet, always did their work on time, always showed up an hour early. But, i was struggling a lot. But i never told anyone about it. I struggled meeting deadlines with mainly essays or surprise projects. I got picked on. I was ALONE. And it sucked so much. And i was stressed, sleep deprived, and depressed. Just flat out miserable and very angry. To the point where i would lash out at others.
"Ashley you should be going to college. Art isn't going to get you very far or make you money. And you won't be able to support yourself."
"Just go to college, do your General ED, and get your AA. It's easy!"
"If you don't go to college you won't be able to support yourself!"
I've been told this before by relatives and a sibling who disapproves of me not going to college. And honestly it made me want to rip my hair out because it isn't so simple as it was a long time ago. Teachers didn't give you 5 thick packets for you to do and expected to be done by the end of the week. They didn't make you sit through endless hours and your hand cramping because you have to write all these notes because the teachers say "OH THIS PART ISN'T IMPORTANT BUT BE SURE TO WRITE THE IMPORTANT PARTS." But they never tell you. And you actually don't bother to study those notes because it took up 7 papers to fill and you get frustrated. I got frustrated. I'm the type of person who gets irritated very easily. And school isn't my favorite thing. I thought it would be better than high school but it isn't.
Getting to the main point. There is only ONE THING in college that caught my attention was this article i read in my English class about Steve Jobs. And he gave a speech to students. And the one part that stood out to me was...
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." -Steve Jobs
I relate to this quote so. So much. Cause i'm sure i'm not alone on this boat. But i'm the type of person who would go by my mom's, siblings, relatives, or friend's advice and intuition instead of listening to myself. I always let others get to me. I let the voice and actions of everyone and bullies and teachers get to me. And felt like a loser basically. Lost a lot of confidence in myself. And my art suffered with that as well. But, after i read that quote i knew what i had to do. And i wanted to leave college. The result of my mom finally understanding how stressful it was through an ugly very ugly outburst World War 3 argument. She never realized how much stress i was under. So in the end, here i am. Not going to college and solely focusing on my art. And my mom asks if i regret not going. And i don't. I felt like it was a boulder that disappeared off my back. I don't feel bad at all and i shouldn't. I know others are going to disapprove but I'm going to tell you something.
I'm not going to waste anymore time of trying to go and live someone else's life. I'm drawing my own path and if people try and erase it i'll just redraw it and keep going. So, to those who always go by other's decisions. DON'T. Because you won't be happy with a life someone carved out for you. Don't feel bad for deciding something for yourself.
Do what you want. Pursue that dream. Because it is something you will be happy with.
Another regard i have. I'm not going to underprice myself anymore. So when i get back. Be expecting lots of art, changes in commissions and prices, and changes in myself (a good change.)
Thank you for reading this!